I spent time this week in a musical improv class, and it was a masterclass in one thing: staying on the beat. In improv, if your mind wanders for even a second, you’re out of sync with the whole team. It made me think about a request my son made when he was little for my "phone-free attention." That request stuck with me because giving someone our undivided focus is the most basic act of leadership we can offer. In this micro-lesson, I’m exploring why inclusion isn’t a grand gesture—it’s the radical, simple act of being fully present.
I spent time this week in a musical improv class, and it was a masterclass in one thing: staying on the beat. In improv, if your mind wanders for even a second, you’re out of sync with the whole team. It made me think about a request my son made when he was little for my "phone-free attention." That request stuck with me because giving someone our undivided focus is the most basic act of leadership we can offer. In this micro-lesson, I’m exploring why inclusion isn’t a grand gesture—it’s the radical, simple act of being fully present.
Takeaways:
Good Vibes to Go: Watch the documentary Come See Me in the Good Light on Apple TV. It’s about poet Andrea Gibson navigating their terminal diagnosis. It sounds dark but it’s actually joyful, love-filled, and even funny.
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OPENING NOTE
In this week's Five Things newsletter, the stories are about prime time disability leadership in major league baseball coverage, funding the first Inuit-led university, and more. But if you want to read those stories, you're gonna have to go to 5thingsdei.com and subscribe to the Five Things newsletter because this podcast is now Good Vibes Leadership.
FROM THE IMPROV CLASS
Alright, so let's get into it, folks. So for those of you who've been listening or reading the newsletter, I'm in an improv class. And this week, we did musical improv. I don't wanna talk about it because it really challenged me. It is so hard and, of course, there's some great lessons in there.
So really, when we're doing musical improv, we have to have two things synced up. First of all, we have to yes-and the lines that the previous person gave. So we have to improvise lines on the spot, which improv in general. But in musical improv, we have to do that while also staying on the beat.
Now, staying on the beat is hard enough for me as it is. I'm not a great clapper or snapper. But it's especially difficult when it's musical improv because it's doubly hard. You have to get the lines and you have to stay on the beat. In order to do that, you have to be totally in the moment. Because if your mind wanders, you're out of sync. And that means you're basically letting your team down. You're letting the other performers down. The whole group can notice it if you're out of sync.
And so, it kind of made me think about the importance of being in the moment, being present and ready to receive the lines that are sent to you, ready to receive the beat that is given to you. And what it's like to be kind of in conversation with someone who's not fully present. You can feel it, even if you can't quite name it.
So that's what I'm gonna get into today — the act of being more present. And I'll tell you, it is a work in progress for me for sure.
A MOMENT OF BEING CALLED OUT
So when my son was little, probably six or seven — he's 15 now — he said to me at one point, "Mom, put your phone down."
Ouch. You know, it hurts to hear that from your kid that essentially you're not being present, you're not being in the moment with them. But I wasn't. And you know, I felt completely called out, but he was right. And he has had to say that to me since, but not too often. Usually I'm pretty good at it these days, being fully present with him.
My son likes to have what he calls monologues, or sometimes rants, and they could be related to what's going on in the world or the government or his YouTuber stuff or the Roblox. Like, he has lots of things that he can monologue about. And they require me putting my phone fully down and being present with him so that I can give him my best. And it is not always easy, especially when it's a rant.
But you know, he notices when I'm not fully there. And listen, he does it to me too. I'll be honest. He's not always fully there every time I'm having a conversation with him either. None of us are perfect at this.
But presence is a gift. And it's made me realize that giving someone my undivided focus is the most basic act of leadership — or maybe even kindness — that I can offer.
THE PROBLEM OF LEFTOVER ENERGY
It's not always easy though, especially when we're moving from one meeting to another or one scenario to another. I talked a little bit about that last week. Sometimes when we leave one meeting, we're going into the next, or leave one experience and we're going into the next, we sort of bring that leftover energy.
You know, if we're getting off a tense phone call and then we're going into a one-on-one, we're still processing kind of what just happened. I got into a heated discussion with my partner over the weekend and it was hard for me to sort of be fully present in my other conversations that weekend. These things can really hijack our nervous system.
When we're not fully present, this could mean that we show up, we're saying all of the right things, our body is there, but we're not fully there. Our nervous system may still be processing what happened in the previous meeting, still holding on to that residual energy or residual tension or whatever it happens to be. You know, it's the leftover energy.
And in improv, it means that you sort of screw up the scene if you're bringing that in — or you miss the line, or you miss the beat. It's the problem that comes up when we're not fully there. And it happens in everyday conversations as well. No one might call us out on it in the moment, but people feel it, and over time it builds up.
The people on our team feel like we're not fully there in the conversations, then they start to trust us less over time. Trust, folks — it can be really hard to get it back.
A TOOL THAT HELPS: FIDGET TOYS
Last week, I talked about shaking it off in between meetings, like physically shaking it out, and I gave some examples of that. But something else that I do is I use fidget toys.
So anyone who's ever been on a Zoom meeting with me, especially like a one-on-one catch up, sometimes even a client call depending on what's going on — I will pull out fidget toys. I have a wide variety of fidget toys and a little bowl on my desk. All different kinds of toys. If you're watching this on YouTube, you can see some of the toys I have.
And honestly, they give my hands something to do so I can be fully present in that conversation with someone. Sometimes even if I'm on a podcast interview, I will bring fidget toys just so I have, again, somewhere else to focus my attention and my nervous energy. It really helps me stay present as I'm in these next meetings.
And I don't think anyone minds that I'm in my forties, and I still play with fidget toys. You know? Let's normalize that.
THE HEART OF GOOD VIBES LEADERSHIP
You know, I give a lot of keynotes on inclusion. That's my thing. I teach something called the ARC Method which stands for Ask, Respect, Connect. I can talk about systemic change. I could talk about equity and psychological safety all day long.
But one thing I keep coming back to is that the most fundamental act of inclusion — the most fundamental act of Good Vibes Leadership — is presence. Is the gift of presence.
And again, I'm imperfect at it, but I do have the fidget toys.
This presence doesn't have to be a grand gesture. It doesn't have to be a new policy. It doesn't have to be a budget line item. Presence is the act of actually seeing the person in front of you, giving them your full attention. Not performing attention, but actually receiving them. Receiving what it is they have to share with you.
Presence is how you tell someone: you belong in this scene with me. Presence is how you tell someone: I'm here with you for this. I'm ready to hear what you have to say.
That's it. It's not always easy. And I will tell you — when someone is truly present with me, I can feel it. I can feel my shoulders drop. I can feel like I want to talk more. I think better. I trust someone faster.
And it's these really fundamental things that we're trying to build in inclusive cultures. When our phones are everywhere, it can be really hard to be present with notifications and, again, the leftover energy from meetings. But it is such a fundamental skill. I trust people faster when I feel like they're being present with me.
THIS WEEK'S INVITATION
So as we're trying to build more inclusive cultures, when you think about Good Vibes Leadership, know that being present with someone is such a gift. And you can do it yourself. It's something free that you can do — that you can practice this week.
How much more effective would you be as a leader? How much more inclusive would you be as a leader, or as a parent, or as a friend — if you just consciously close the door on your previous experience to be fully present in the next one, even if you need fidget toys in order to do that.
That's it, folks. I'm cheering you on. Have a great week.
Thank you so much for listening to Good Vibes Leadership. And if you don't already get the Five Things newsletter, you can subscribe at 5thingsdei.com. Have a great week.