I was on a sales call recently and felt that immediate recognition: this is a covert inclusion audience. In this episode she names a practice she's used for twenty years without ever labeling it, leading with her audience's motivation instead of leading with inclusion itself. From wedding industry rooms to corporate sales teams, the content stays the same. The door changes. And everything works better.
I was on a sales call recently and felt that immediate recognition: this is a covert inclusion audience. In this episode she names a practice she's used for twenty years without ever labeling it, leading with her audience's motivation instead of leading with inclusion itself. From wedding industry rooms to corporate sales teams, the content stays the same. The door changes. And everything works better.
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[INTRO]
In this week's 5 Things newsletter, the stories are about disability history finally having a home, a VR lab closing the healthcare skills gap, guaranteed income changing real lives, and more. But if you want to read those stories, you're going to have to subscribe at 5thingsdei.com — because this show is now Good Vibes Leadership.
[EPISODE]
Hey, folks. It's Bernadette. Welcome back to Good Vibes Leadership. I am CEO of Equality Institute and your weekly guide to playful, inclusive leadership.
So I was on a sales call recently, and I got very excited because this was a company with a large client-facing workforce. And I could see exactly how I could help them.
Because some of you may know that I used to work as a wedding planner. I was a wedding planner with an LGBTQ specialty. I spent many years doing trainings and speaking engagements and creating an online certification course for those in the wedding, hospitality, and travel industry. As I was doing all of this client-facing work, I was practicing what I like to call covert inclusion.
So this is work I've been doing for a long time — covert inclusion. It's about leading with inclusion without really using those words.
So here's how it kind of worked. I wasn't trying to sell training or workshops for the LGBTQ wedding couples. Here's how it worked. I said, hey — do you want to earn the loyalty, earn the trust, grow your market with LGBTQ couples? That's what I was talking about. Earning loyalty, earning trust, growing your business. I was leading with the business case.
I always — or often — have led with the business case, especially for those in client-facing roles. They need to understand what's in it for them. These are folks who are often moving really fast. A lot of times they're not gonna wanna sit down for a workshop. They're learning on the go. They're in the field. They're on the road. And chances are, they're not going to really show up for your typical kind of DEI feel-good kind of workshop. And they're definitely not gonna show up for a DEI feel-bad kind of workshop.
Folks in client-facing roles need to be met where they're at.
So as I was working in the wedding industry, I would say, here's how you earn the loyalty of the LGBTQ wedding market. I would tell the same stories, share the same content, but I worked the angle that I knew was important to them — which was growing their business. People were excited. They took tons of notes. They asked the uncomfortable questions because they felt safe. They signed up because they wanted to grow their business. But in the midst of all of that stuff, we were deep in a conversation about empathy, about not making assumptions, about what happens when you get it wrong in front of a client.
Those are real life discussions. What happens when you step in it in front of a client? It can be horrendously awkward and probably something you will never forget.
And that's actually one of the reasons that client-facing audiences are my favorite audiences. They already have motivation. They already have drive to get it right. They don't want to fumble. They don't want to lose the sale. They don't want to make someone feel unseen and never hear from them again. That's where I meet these folks. I meet them at the door to profit, the door to the sale. And then we do the work. Then we do the work that we can call inclusion.
Now I love the word inclusion. I use it all the time. I'm not afraid of the word inclusion. But sometimes, when we lead with it in a room full of client-facing employees, they sometimes feel like they don't belong in the conversation. They might think, what's in it for me? And then they're in their head. And then it's really hard to get them back. They're not actually listening.
I've watched it a lot. I've watched arms crossed. I've watched the sort of defensive energy. But I've also watched people really open up. People talk about the mistakes they've made. People really want to get it right. Because at the end of the day, there's a sale at stake.
So it's really about how are we positioning this work.
What's the angle in? I don't really care what we call it, to be honest. The thing is that every audience has — let's just say — a door that they're standing in front of. And your job isn't to build them a new door and convince them to walk through it. Your job is to meet people where they're at, to find their existing intrinsic motivation, and pull them in that way. Draw them in that way.
So for client-facing professionals, a lot of times their motivation is not messing up in front of their client, building a stronger relationship so they can have more loyalty, so they can have more long-term sales. That's where we're headed. That's the angle I lead with in those rooms.
And listen — this matters. It matters beyond the keynote work I do. It matters beyond the training work I do.
I want you to think about the last time you tried to make a case for inclusion to someone who wasn't quite ready to hear it. Maybe you had a skeptical colleague, or a resistant manager, or someone in your family. Or a senior leader who keeps deprioritizing this work. When you're trying to make the case — do you lead with inclusion? Or do you lead with what they already care about?
Maybe they care about revenue. Maybe they care about retention. Maybe they care about their client relationships or their team performance. Maybe they care about making sure everyone feels welcome, or not embarrassing themselves in front of someone who's different from them. Those are real motivations that can drive change.
It's not about compromising the language. It's about meeting people where they're at. Finding the door that they're willing to walk through, that they're already standing in front of.
Now, some of you folks might know I have a tool called the ARC Method — Ask, Respect, Connect. This is something I use in a lot of my work. And when you're working with a skeptical audience, whoever it happens to be, as you're making the case and wanting to bring people into this conversation, we always want to start with the A — the Ask.
So don't ask something like, do you believe in inclusion? Ask something like, what does it cost you when a client relationship breaks down because of a mistaken assumption? What does it feel like when you've made a mistake in front of a client? What does it feel like when you may have accidentally offended someone? Those are questions that sort of open the door they're already kind of standing in front of.
That's the A, the Ask.
And then we move on to the R — Respect. So whatever you happen to hear, respect it. Don't interrupt. Don't dismiss. Don't make assumptions. Be present and fully respectful. Don't rush to the framework. Just listen to what you hear.
And then we always Connect. Connect is about showing someone that inclusion — or whatever we're calling it — done well, is actually about good communication. It's not a lecture about values. It's not a lecture about diversity. It's just about good communication. And that's a competitive advantage.
So, this is something I want you to practice. Before your next conversation where you are trying to make the case for inclusion, ask yourself: what does this person already care about? What is their motivation? What drives them? Find that. Lead with that. And then talk about your content the way you would normally talk about it. Make your pitch the way you normally would. But lead them — take them through the door they're already standing in front of.
So covert inclusion — it's not actually that covert. It's honestly just good communication.
Here's a question I want you to think about this week: Where in your organization is inclusion stalling because it's leading with the wrong door? And who has the credibility in your organization to find the right door?
Think about that.
[GOOD VIBES TO GO]
Alright. Let's move into this week's Good Vibes to Go.
Transgender Day of Visibility was recently, and legislation is making it incredibly tough to be visible and to live authentically as a trans person. There is so much misinformation being shared that vilifies good, kind trans folks. So the Campaign for Southern Equality is a lifeline — especially for trans youth. Check out the Trans Joy Generator, full of messages of support that you can read, and then you can add your own message of joy for trans youth. Check out the Trans Joy Generator — that will be in the show notes.
[OUTRO]
Alright, folks. That is Good Vibes Leadership for this week. If this landed with you, share it with someone who's been struggling to get buy-in for inclusion work. Sometimes they just need a different door.
And if you don't already get the Five Things newsletter, you can subscribe at 5thingsdei.com.
I'm Bernadette Smith, and I'm cheering you on. Have a great week.